I've been grappling with the guilt of working on my retreat business for a while now. I sometimes have to go away and leave my family for a long weekend while I have fun traveling to places around Japan with my retreat participants.
Sounds tough right?
The thing that always gets me is the guilt.
I feel that I am deserting my family and my husband and being terribly selfish for going away. I thought maybe my husband might even divorce me because I wasn't there to show my love every minute of the day. Because surely he would only love me if I worked for it.
It looks ridiculous when written down. I didn't even realise that I thought that for a long time. But I did.
So instead of looking for evidence that I was being a burden on my family, I decided to look for evidence that my family did support me in this venture.
My family was supporting me in their own ways. My husband does this by obviously agreeing to let me go! He doesn't do this grudgingly either. He even suggested that I go away by myself for a weekend that started this whole business.
He even goes out of his way to make sure I have everything I need so that I can be a stylish "businesswoman". For example, he purchased a overnight suitcase with wheels that I can drag along behind me when I go on my trips. He bought this for me because he noticed that I was always carrying a very heavy backpack when I went away and he thought this would be a lot easier for me to deal with. He also decided that I needed a new smaller cheap laptop so that I am able to carry out my work effectively when I am away from home.
So I can tell I am lucky and that I do have the support of my family... even though I feel like I am deserting them or not taking care of them by being away once a month or so.
Spending money on self care is another thing that brings up guilt. I'll be sitting in the hairdressers worrying about my kids because I'm not with them...they are completely fine as they are being taken care of by my very capable husband, but still I have to remember to enjoy a basic thing like having a hair cut. Massages bring out even more guilt as they are a bit more frivolous than a hair cut. But I've realised that I need to show myself the care and respect I deserve so others will too! If you don't respect yourself nobody else will.
So now I see that the guilt and the story about needing to work for love don't serve me, I am going to make a new one:
I am worthy of my family's love and having a rewarding business helping other women transform themselves and move forward in their lives.
Do you suffer from guilt when you spend time or money on yourself?